I'm a SAP.

It is official. Motherhood has made me a sap. It started when I was pregnant with Adam. I'd cry during commercials, during movies (seems like no biggie until you hear that the movies were comedies), sporting events, etc.

When it continued through after he was born I figured it was from the sleepless nights. Once those stopped I was pregnant with Blair so I figured it was the pregnancy thing again. But here I am, 2.5 years after my daughter's birth and I am crying during THE VOICE!!

Yes, The Voice. The reality tv show. What the heck?! This is ridiculous. I got choked up during the highlights of the Olympics. I cried when I saw a mom following the school bus on the first day of school (she was crying too).

And don't get me started on my kids. They ride their bikes - I cry. They swim without a life jacket - I cry. They give me the perfect hug - I cry. They hit a golf ball for the first time - I cry. It is endless.

Thankfully I'm not a full out balls of tears but still ...

This isn't to say I was tough as steel before ever being pregnant - but I had some self control. But alas, it appears it has been taken from me and it ain't coming back.

So if you see me walking down the street or in my car and I happen to be crying, don't worry, all is well, I probably just heard a beautiful song or saw a birdie fly for the first time.

Jaclyn.

The end of an era.

Well, that's a bit dramatic but for me it truly is the end of something. I recently played my last soccer game. I've been playing soccer for 20 years ...

This season (sounds like I was a pro ... I most definitely was not) was plagued with injuries and lack of passion. For the first time in my life I could not keep up with our opponents (most of them being under the age of 22) nor did I care. I was also hurt the majority of the summer - I did in my back and then got nailed in the leg (just a really bad bruise but I was sure it was broken).

When we lost, I was of course disappointed but not to near the same extent as even one year earlier.

But this does mark the start of something new for me. Next summer I am going to learn how to play tennis! I am beyond excited for this and have even done research as to lessons available and the cost of memberships. In the process I discovered that they have lessons for children as young as five. So Adam and I will be learning together next summer - and we will be at the same level!

I honestly never thought I would stop playing soccer. But the day has come. And I am 100% sure and 100% psyched to try tennis.

Expect future posts about tennis - or at the very least the great new outfits I got to play :)

Jaclyn.

PS. I already bought an adorable Lululemon tennis skirt!

It's been a while ...

I've been slacking lately. At everything.

I'm at a weight even I'm not comfortable posting (one might deduce that it is more than 152 ...).

I'm not exercising. I work out once a week ... Just to say I did.

I never clean the house. We have two dogs.

The last time I wrote a blog post I had a kid in diapers...

The list could go on and on ... But I won't bore you. Essentially I've lost my mojo. I need to find it. I would like to be in shape, not eat enough for a family of four and have a clean house. But the question is ... How much do I want it?? The answer is pretty simple ... Obviously not enough. I have a million and one excuses as to why I don't do all the things I want but even my four year old would say they are bull. I wonder when I will get there ... Or maybe it is more how I will get there?

But enough of the 'poor me' - I'll get to the point ... What are your tips and tricks? I have to get my mojo back. I don't like where I am heading and would like to snap out of it.

Oh, and side note - for all you early risers ... How the heck do you get out of bed so early? I'm a continuous snoozer and I hate mornings but I NEED to get to work sooner. Any recommendations or tips would be much appreciated!

Jaclyn

P.S. Next post won't be about weight ... Promise :)

To the power of four.

Before having kids I had no comprehension as to why my friends with children planned so little in a day. On a Saturday I would plan (after sleeping in) grocery shopping, tea break, just for fun shopping, visit with friends, cleaning and a movie with James. While they would do grocery shopping at 7am, a playdate and then hope to make it past 9pm so they could stay up for a movie.

I get it now.

Doing ANYTHING now requires at least four additional steps. Should I realize at 6pm on a weeknight that we need cat food - I seriously consider how badly the cat really needs food (I mean, she is overweight, she can handle a night without food, lol). Because to go out for cat food, what used to be a 15 minute round trip to Walmart, is now a one hour escapade that includes pee breaks, temper tantrums and a search for lost shoes before I have even left the house.

There is no longer a quick trip to the store. There are always at least four additional steps.

And this has seeped into other, non-kid related, parts of my life. Everything takes longer. It is probably because I am so exhausted that I lack the concentration required to finish a task with ease. For example, the other day I was doing laundry. I noticed something on the ground so I put a few clean items on the dryer before grabbing the unknown object. As per usual one of the socks fell in between the washer and dryer. I then had to move the washer to get the sock. Once I moved the washer back I realized that due to my pathetic cleaning skills the clean sock was now dirty. Maddening.

At times this really gets to me and I snap (trust me when I say it is an ugly sight).

I do miss the days where I could just pop out to the store or have an impromptu visit with a friend ... But, on the upside I have lots of time with kids who make me smile:

"Mommy, I want to be a rock star so I can sing all the Justin Bieber songs" said by Adam as he rocks out without a shirt on because Justin would think it was cool.

Jaclyn.

Bath time = Blog time?

Bath time has morphed. I'm no longer needed (except for ensuring no one drowns). They play with each other, they wash themselves and generally just get along without me.

It's a strange feeling. Two and four years ago I was holding them for their entire baths. I was vital to the equation.

I work for the government where the saying is that the only constant is change. There is no situation that holds more true to that than parenthood. It is constantly changing. And I don't mean the "awww, Blair learned how to say fork and not f*ck" changes - I mean the big "don't need you anymore mom" changes. (Note: that example is not true, Blair still can't say fork properly.)

So maybe bath time will become my blogging time. Which I can handle because I do miss my outlet. Getting my thoughts out helps so much. I get stuck in my own head sometimes and have a tendency to make mountains out of molehills unless I get it out.

Ok, I'm still needed ... To make sure they don't kill each other (Blair just grabbed and twisted Adam's unmentionables). Well, it's nice to be needed even though the reason changed :)

Jaclyn.

Accepting the Constant.

So, funny enough, my last post was about how I'm going to write more ... And since then is the longest stretch that I haven't written. Brutal.

It is no secret that I struggle with some aspects of parenthood. It isn't everything I thought it was going to be. That is not to say I don't love being a mom - it just means that I was not prepared. I know now that I couldn't have been prepared. It just isn't possible.

But I have recently made progress. I still have days that I feel as though I'm going to SNAP - but they aren't as frequent. I think part of the reason for this is that I have accepted (accepted - not yet embraced) the fact that parenting is constant. 24/7.

I was recently talking to a gentleman who has a 15 and 9 year old. We were talking about parenting and he asked if I was surprised that my life wasn't my own anymore. It was like a lightbulb turned on for me - that was it - nothing in my life is about me (as I write this the kids are in the bath - yes, I'm in the bathroom, no one is drowning at the expense of a blog post - and they have both said mommy at least twenty times).

This is a constant gig with no break. Even when they go to bed it isn't over - we then have to tidy, to get clothes ready, etc etc. By the end of the day I just want to sit on my duff and do nothing (hence the 15 pound weight gain, lol).

Accepting that it is constant has helped - at least with my mental state. But I did say it was only part of what has helped - the recent trip to Mexico with just James was a big part (thank you Mom!!!). Parents must take care of themselves and their relationship - if they don't they are no good to their kids anyways.

So, more ranting. Having children is worth it, but it is HARD.

Note: Adam just farted in the bath and thought it was hilarious. I do laugh a lot more than I did before kids :)

Jaclyn.

Ouch!

That's the sound that would have come out of my mouth had the wagon been real ...

I had so hoped to stay on this time, but .. as you have probably already guessed I did not. I have a million excuses as to why I didn't ... but none of them are worth sharing. They are the typical ... bad day, my hair is terrible, I didn't sleep well, etc. But really what they are is pathetic reasons not to feel bad for making myself a bowl of icing.

I almost feel like I'm suffering from the January blahs and I can't seem to shake them. For the past four years January has always been a month of change:

- January 2008: Adam was born.
- January 2009: Back to work after mat leave.
- January 2010: Blair was about to be born and I started mat leave.
- January 2011: Returning to work.

But this year there is no big change. Nothing on the horizon. So its me versus January. I know I'm not alone in this battle, I've had many conversations about the blahs. But what I haven't determined is why the blahs happen. Why is January, a month of 31 days (like six others), so so so long??

I want to kick this feeling. I've worked out three times this week and am hoping to hit the gym tomorrow. This usually does the trick for me but not so far. This is one brutal battle. January is determined to win. I'm not exactly sure what to do next but I have to figure something out. It took a lot to post my weight a few posts ago ... I'd hoped that would help. Since its on its way up I'm figuring that is a no.

Anyways, I whine and I whine. Whining gets me no where (except now I want icing, yet again). My next post will be positive ... its may be '101 ways to eat chocolate' but it will be positive.

Just had to put these blahs down on 'paper'.

If anyone out there suffering from the blahs has any tricks - do tell - there are many of us out there that want ideas to break free from them!!