"Either she goes or I go."

Yes, I said it. I said that about my beautiful 11-month old daughter. Did I mean it? Of course not. But I just couldn't take it anymore ... she had (yet again) woken up screaming after I had just fallen asleep. And falling asleep is not an easy thing for me ~ I have to read, often for over half an hour, to get my brain to shut off. So to be woken up at midnight after 40 minutes of 'going to sleep' I lost it.

I just couldn't take it. At 11 months old she really shouldn't be waking up multiple times per night (every once in a while she's going to wake up, I get that, whether its teething, belly ache, dreams, but those don't happen every night). I hate to compare but at this age Adam was a pro at sleeping through the night. If Adam woke up we knew it was something big. This is not the case for Miss Blair.

I am going back to work in three weeks ~ I will not be able to function on broken sleep (I know I sound like a broken record in my posts lately but I am really worried about this). The worst part is that I have created this situation, I only have myself to blame. Its me who has been going to her every night (James, lucky duck, is able to sleep through it), its me who has been giving her the bloody soother or rocking her back to sleep.

So last night we let her cry it out. Extremely hard but I knew nothing was wrong with her, she just wanted me (this was confirmed the previous night when James went to her and she would have nothing to do with him). She cried for the better part of two hours. I REALLY hope this works as I am obviously starting to lose my marbles.

For now both Blair and I are staying. But the idea of Adam and I staying in a hotel for a few days while James sleeps through the crying has been thrown out there and I am seriously considering it if it means 1) some solid sleeps and 2) a baby girl who sleeps through the night.