I'm in love.

With my new washing machine.

Oh how times have changed ... in the past to drop a boat load of money on a washer and dryer seemed ludacris (point and case - we spent $500 total on our first set ... thinking what's the big deal ~ as long as they wash clothes we're set). But now, with four laundry producing machines in the house and the laundry being one of my assigned tasks, there was a need for more than something that simply 'washed the clothes'.

I had a few criteria when I set out - couldn't be too expensive (I don't think the kids would appreciate eating rice for the next year), had to be BIG, and had to use less water and energy.

We knew when we saw them ... sitting there, calling my name. Telling me how big they were and how many clothes I could put in them. Telling me they would save me time. And humming a tune when I opened them.

But I didn't fall in love until I did my first wash. Holy cow can I ever fit a ton of clothes in my washing machine! We're talking 2.5 times what I could put in my old washer. And it doesn't sound like its going to jump through the wall when I run it. Its amazing.

Yes, my priorities have shifted. Its pretty crazy how much changes in a few years. But they haven't shifted completely ... I still have my standards ... and my new washer/dryer set meets these standards as it is RED!

Happy Laundering to Me!! :)

Cakes.

My mom always made my birthday cakes when I was a kid. I got to go through the cake book a choose whatever one I wanted. One year I choose a candy shop. A CANDY SHOP people!!

It is this that made me want to make our kids' birthday cakes ... I still remember those cakes ... its a lasting memory. Not the cake, that's not the memory, the memory is that my mom made them for me.

And now I know what was going through my mom's mind every time she made a cake: "What the f*@% was I thinking!?".

For Adam's cake I chose a dinosaur. He's big into dinosaurs right now (why didn't I ask him what he wanted you ask ... well, I didn't want to take the chance that he said something like 'daddy's motorcycle'). Easy enough. WRONG. I sought assistance from many ... tools, recipes, guidance, support (thank goodness for Facebook). But I have to say the end result looked like a dino ... a blue one.

I complained the entire time but in the end it was totally worth it. Adam's face when the cake came out was awesome. Just awesome.

Next was Blair's first birthday cake. I thought about a '1' but in the end a Care Bear made the most sense as her nickname is 'Care Bear'. Lessons learned with this one:

1) Don't leave it until the last minute (ie. don't be icing the cake at 1am).
2) Don't choose something that everyone knows what its supposed to look like ~ because they will know when it doesn't look like it!

I tried Blair. I tried. But I failed you. You had the oddest looking Care Bear for a cake ... but thankfully you didn't seem to mind. You actually seemed to enjoy it quite a bit.

Both cakes were learning experiences. And I will do it again, if only for the look on their faces. Fingers crossed that Adam doesn't choose something crazy like the Eiffle Tower next year!

To be better.

That was my New Years' Resolution.

Easy enough right?
Well, four months have gone by ... and I'm not willing to say I've been better.
I'm not worse, but I'm definitely not better.

66% of the year left ... can I turn it around?
I hope so ... but hope will only get me so far, its the desire, that fierce need that I haven't been able to extract.

Why don't I want to be better enough that I actually DO IT? Plain and simple, because its easier not to. Its easier to be the same, to stay in my box, to eat icing that I made for the sole purpose of eating out of the bowl.

I'm at a conference this week and I am surrounded by people who want to effect change. They want to make the world a better place. My goal isn't quite as lofty but its along the same lines ~ I want to make the world I provide my kids a better place. In order to do this I need to be fit, healthy, of sound mind.

Fit ... I'm supposed to be running right now ...
Healthy ... creme brulee for dessert after a huge steak dinner ...
Sound mind ... not so much sleep these days ...

Hmm, ok, today's not the day. But there will be a day! And I am going to keep updating my blog with posts like this until I actually do it. To remind me that I have a goal.

I Believe.

I'm constantly amazed at other people. Sometimes in a good way ... others in a not so good, what the heck are you thinking kind of way. This post is about a good one.

Some people have hearts the size of the Atlantic. Some people truly believe in the power of love. Some people enact change. Some people can bring us together.

In this case ... this person loved someone enough, to bring many together, to enact change. And her heart and passion are obvious.

I'm in my bubble most of the time. Focused on myself. But everyonce in a while I click on a link in a forward ... and I am moved to tears.

To whomever the woman is who organized this ~ you are wonderful. Your friend was lucky to have you.

Take a look ... its worth while. Make sure you have your kleenex handy.

Look! An ab!

Yes, those words came out of my mouth the other day. I found an (read: one) ab. Top left. This was very exciting given my current physical state. I started the year off so gung ho ... even registered to run a half marathon (whole other post) but the days are flying by and exercise is the very very last thing on my mind. My mind is preoccupied with other things like what to eat for dinner, does Adam have clean underwear (this morning he did not = emergency laundry session), work, cleaning, surviving ... but not exercise.

I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't have the energy. And I know full well that if I exercised regularly I would feel better and have more energy but its starting that is pretty much impossible.

I see all these fit, toned, slender moms around me and wonder how the heck they do it. I am tired ALL DAY. I wake up tired, I go to work tired, I come home tired, and I go to bed tired. I have become a slave to caffeine. Even when the kids were infants and keeping me up all night I didn't need this much caffeine. I now add milk to my tea in the morning (ewwwww) to get it into me faster.

And even worse, what I get the most satisfaction from is food. Chocolate mainly. And chips if they are handy (and by handy I mean Walmart keeps them in stock ~ I went on an emergency run for Spicy Doritos last week).

All of this equals me being in the worst shape I have ever been and missing my abs. And for those who don't believe me ~ I was talking to Adam the other day and mentioned something about a loop hole and at the same time I adjusted my pants. James was quick (innocently) to point out that it wasn't a loop hole ~ it was a tire. I was mortified since I was not talking about my waistline with Adam.

Its definitely time to hit the exercise ... but to find the energy, I don't know. I suppose it has to come from within, but right now all my within wants is a Snickers bar.

Can you become, can you become, a new version of you?

True fans will know what I am referring to ... that line from a song will resonate with the real Felicity fans.

Lately I have been re-watching this show that was one of my favorites through high school (and I think a bit of university but these days time/dates are something I can't remember). And every time the theme song comes on it makes me a bit nervous. Nervous you ask? How could a tv show make me nervous?

It makes me nervous because I can remember the emotions and angst I was feeling when I first watched the show ... and then it hits home that in about 15-17 years I am going to have a teenage girl going through her own version of the same thing. There were so many times I was sure my life was over (yes, I'll admit, I was a BIT dramatic) ... fights with friends, my heart was broken, times I just wanted to become a new version of me and it was my mom I went to for comfort, for the right words. Blair (I hope) will be coming to me and I want to have the right words, I want to say the right thing. I want her to feel safe and secure in my arms.

Question is ~ will I have the right words? Say the right thing? Did my mom have a manual or did she just instinctively know? I hope there's a manual, my instincts have been known to let me down.

I know I am getting ahead of myself, especially when there are things I should be addressing now (like Blair, at age one, having temper tantrums) but Felicity evokes these fears (yet for some reason I can't stop watching!).

Only time will tell I suppose.

Its the weekend!

(for those who are on my Facebook ~ yes, I'm repeating myself)

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but man do I love the weekends!
They have a different meaning now that we have kids (i.e. they no longer mean sleeping in) but they are still just as awesome.

There is something to be said for not HAVING to get up to be somewhere at a certain time (yes, inevitably the kids wake up earlier on Saturday and Sunday but I don't have to be anywhere). There is something to be said for having time to make pancakes for your children. And of course, there is something to be said for having time to get my beloved non fat, no water chai.

Yes, along with weekends comes lengthy to do lists, piles of laundry, groceries, etc. But the bonus is that I can do all of the that with my family.

So I can't help but rejoice when 4:30pm on Friday hits. Its my favorite time of the week.

Y'all have a great weekend!! I know I will :)