Is that a bad thing ... absolutely not. We can't all be born to be mothers. It would be a bad thing if I wasn't learning at all. But I am.
Lately I've been having alot of 'shoot me in the head' moments where I just couldn't control the kids or get either of them to listen to me. This is infuriating to me (read: ZERO patience). And once I reach that level there's no going back ~ and I say things that while in the moment I mean them ("I'm not meant to be a mother") when I come back to reality I totally don't mean that what I really meant was 'I'm totally overwhelmed and need to tap out of the situation'.
But I took the time to step back the other day ... to really think about the times I lose it. They are the days when work is so busy I can't think, the days I don't work out, the days I'm tired... not the days where work goes smoothly and I get an awesome workout in.
I've heard it a million times but its so true. Life is all about balance. One must take the time to balance out their life. I needed to take the time to balance out my life. Of course, this isn't an overnight thing, but I'm working on it.
I started a workout program. I get my buttox kicked three times per week for the next ten weeks. Already in week one I'm noticing a difference. My patience level is higher ~ if only slightly but its noticeable.
Working out was step one. Step two will be to organize myself better at work. That's another thing I'm learning from the supermoms ... while their days may not be planned they are still organized (ie. diaper bags are fully stocked, meals frozen in the freezer, etc). Step three will be to try to sleep more, or at least get better sleeps.
Step three may require teaching the dogs not to come on the bed. This was a huge mistake on our part. And by huge I mean 80 lbs x 2. The dogs are on and off our bed all night. And when they are on they are right beside us. Neither James or I has good sleeps because when an 80 lb dog jumps up on the bed, it wakes you up.
I'm pretty sure I've written a post very similar to this in the past ... like I said, slow learner.
Anyways ... that's about it for that ramble. Our children are wonderful, happy, smiling, buckets full of energy. I really don't want to miss all the amazing moments they give me because I'm losing my top. So balance it is. Wish me luck :)
