Ouch!

That's the sound that would have come out of my mouth had the wagon been real ...

I had so hoped to stay on this time, but .. as you have probably already guessed I did not. I have a million excuses as to why I didn't ... but none of them are worth sharing. They are the typical ... bad day, my hair is terrible, I didn't sleep well, etc. But really what they are is pathetic reasons not to feel bad for making myself a bowl of icing.

I almost feel like I'm suffering from the January blahs and I can't seem to shake them. For the past four years January has always been a month of change:

- January 2008: Adam was born.
- January 2009: Back to work after mat leave.
- January 2010: Blair was about to be born and I started mat leave.
- January 2011: Returning to work.

But this year there is no big change. Nothing on the horizon. So its me versus January. I know I'm not alone in this battle, I've had many conversations about the blahs. But what I haven't determined is why the blahs happen. Why is January, a month of 31 days (like six others), so so so long??

I want to kick this feeling. I've worked out three times this week and am hoping to hit the gym tomorrow. This usually does the trick for me but not so far. This is one brutal battle. January is determined to win. I'm not exactly sure what to do next but I have to figure something out. It took a lot to post my weight a few posts ago ... I'd hoped that would help. Since its on its way up I'm figuring that is a no.

Anyways, I whine and I whine. Whining gets me no where (except now I want icing, yet again). My next post will be positive ... its may be '101 ways to eat chocolate' but it will be positive.

Just had to put these blahs down on 'paper'.

If anyone out there suffering from the blahs has any tricks - do tell - there are many of us out there that want ideas to break free from them!!

A published author, I am!

Over the holidays my grandmother gave me an album with most of the cards and letters I have ever sent her. It was actually pretty cool to see the progression of my writing skills, my thoughts as a youngin'. But what caught my attention most was an itty bitty article clipped from the Local paper. I was 12 when I wrote and submit the article about bullying. It wasn't well written, not overly insightful ... But it was published.

I thought my desire to write was a somewhat newfound thing but it appears I was wrong.

It's crazy how much you forget, how much gets pushed to the back of the brain. Sometimes you need that little reminder from grandma about what has always been there...

So now I am going to start writing more. It's not as though I all of the sudden have a ton of free time, but I'm going to try to use some of the free time I do have to harness what I apparently used to, and once again, love to do.

Could you also have pushed something to the back? It's the start of a new year ... No time like the present :)

Jaclyn.

152.

I wasn't going to post this, and then I was, and then I wasn't ... After a lot of this I said screw it and here we are.

The number above is my current weight. The heaviest I have ever been. But rather than drown my sorrows in a bag of chips drizzled with chocolate I have made a New Years resolution to get back in to shape and to stop eating like there is no such thing as calories.

For those who know me well, you know this will be a challenge. I love to eat. It's just delicious. But I also love feeling good. I seriously hope feeling good wins out over the satisfaction of a handful of marshmallows.

It's a bit strange for me to have put on so much weight so fast. It's never happened before. But I've never been 31 before ... It seems as though my mom's tales of gaining weight after 30 weren't so much tales as they were fact (but I've mentioned that before).

I hope 2012 brings many things but I really really want to lose the um, thickness. Tonight I went on the elliptical for 30 minutes and I ate much better today. I didn't go crazy, I had a few Werther's throughout the day, but I certainly do feel better. Therefore I am deeming day #1 a success!

Anyone else in the same boat? Anyone? If yes, know that you are not alone :)

Happy New Year! May 2012 bring you much love and happiness.

Jaclyn.