I eat peanut butter from the jar.

Yup, its true. I eat peanut butter from the jar. Its wonderful.

(Please note - I am the only one who eats from this jar, absolutely no one else eats this peanut butter and nothing is baked using it either.)

This began when I found out I couldn't eat gluten anymore. I don't really like sandwiches but I love PB & banana sandwiches. How was I supposed to go on without them?? So from that I derived peanut butter and banana ~ I took peanut from the jar, placed it on the banana and enjoyed every bite. But one day I didn't feel like banana, I just wanted PB. Could I do it? Could I really just have peanut butter ... I took a giant spoonful and the rest is history.

But there's just one problem ~ I have kids. I have kids I'm supposed to be teaching NOT to do this, not to eat from the jar. So I hide my secret, I do it when they aren't looking. Its sad really, and I hang my head in shame, but I can't and won't give it up.

I missed a first.

As previously reported James and Adam are bonding over apple juice and cinnamon buns at the cottage this weekend. I think this is so great for both of them and hope its something they start doing regularly (not too often though, I would miss them too much). But with that wish I have to accept that I am going to miss stuff, I am going to miss Adam discovering new things.

This weekend Adam went snowshoeing for the first time. I know I have probably missed many 'firsts' but I have been there for all the major ones and I feel like this one was big. Our little big man, learning to snowshoe.

Its a weird feeling knowing that I missed this moment. Its weird trying to accept that I am going to miss so many moments in their lives. Blair is about to start daycare, and aside from the the week we were away on our cruise, I haven't missed a day with her ... but I will now. I wonder if her daycare provider will be overwhelmed when I ask how her day was by saying "tell me everything!"?

Thankfully James took several pictures of Adam snowshoeing and his excitement is palpable in them ... he looks like he's having so much fun! So much so I have to share:














I already know I am going to be the annoying mom who wants to know everything ... and now I understand why my mom always asked what I did, where I went, who I saw ... she wasn't being curious, she wasn't being nosy ... she just wanted to know, because she wasn't there, because she missed moments (ok, and maybe just a little bit nosy).

Life with one.

James and Adam left on Friday for their first ever boys' weekend at the cottage. As a result Blair and I are enjoying our first ever girls' weekend. We of course started off with a bang and went shopping but other than that its been pretty low key ... and quiet. At times, almost eerily quiet.

So I've been thinking about life with one child, life with only one pant leg being tugged at, only one kid saying "ma ma". And honestly, I miss the chaos, I miss the loudness. I miss my men.

On Friday as I was getting Adam ready for preschool I was ready to LOSE MY MIND. If I had heard "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam" one more time I think something in my brain would have snapped (seriously, at one point I begged Adam to call me mommy, there is just something about the way "mom" comes out that drives me bananas). But now, as I sit in my quiet house with both dogs and Blair sleeping I want to hear Adam's voice. I want to watch as he discovers new things (loudly, because Adam has yet to learn the concept of inside voice).

I'm not going to lie and say I haven't enjoyed the quiet at all ~ I definitely have, its been good for me, almost like a reset. But I have had enough. Our house is meant for laughter and loudness (although our neighbours might disagree).

But, I will say this ... life with one is a wee bit easier. Its calmer. Its more manageable. And for some reason one parent vs one kid is easier than two parents vs two kids. I'm not sure why but its true. But I've never been calm, I've always liked challenges, and for me chaos is the way to go.

I'm sure I will feel a little overwhelmed when James and Adam come barrelling into the house but I cannot wait for those big hugs and to hear Adam's stories from the weekend. And honestly, one reason I am writing this post is so that I can revisit it on the days when I just want some quiet ... to remind myself that while quiet is good for the soul and necessary sometimes, its the chaos that I love.

Apple = Awesome.

I have an iPhone 3G. To some this may be old news (I mean, like really, who doesn't have an iPhone 4??), but for me it is awesome and I LOVE it. It is the greatest phone I have ever had and is absolutely perfect for me.

James bought me the phone used as he knew I would never buy one for myself. I use it all the time. I repeat - All the time!!

So the day the wireless connection stopped working was obviously a sad day for me. We tried all the fixes the Apple website suggested and all the fixes random forums offered. But none worked. Due to this I watched my data usage go up and up and up ... and being worried about usage makes the phone not quite as great.

Seeing how bummed I was James booked me an appointment at the Apple Store. At the Genius Bar to be exact. I walked in, asked a random Apple employee and she used her cool iPad and confirmed my appointment. I was a bit early so I got to observe for a while - there was a ridiculous amount of people in the store, all of which smiling and some were even cashing out with employees who just had iPads!!

I digress, my apologies. So Nick the Apple guy comes out, checks out my phone, tries a few fixes, makes sure there's no water damage, and then goes to the back. At this point I figure the phone is toast and I'm going to have to buy a new one (because lets face it, I can't live without it now). Nick returns with my phone ... and a box ...

He explains that even though my phone is a year out of warranty, because there is nothing I could have done or foreseen to make this happen (note: I have a preschooler at home, who the heck knows what could happen! ... plus, I dropped it, my bad) they are going to replace my iPhone 3G 8GB with a new iPhone 3G 8GB for free!! Now THAT is customer service!! I did have to waive the right to a warranty but I didn't have one in the first place.

I will definitely buy Apple products again. In my opinion their customer service is unparalleled and they have earned their highly positive reputation.

So all that to say ... Apple is Awesome.

Bad Blogger!

Its been way too long since I have posted but honestly there has been no time. Adam turned three last week. THREE!! Insane. Also insane is the idea that I could make a dinosaur cake ~ post re cake to come but I will say this: Cakes take a LONG time.

Beyond the cake we were busy getting ready for his birthday party, catching the flu and starting to prepare for the imminent return to work. And somewhere in all of this I lost a week ... I started out the week saying I had to go back to work in three weeks, only to realize yesterday it was only two :(

Time, there is never enough. But right now Adam and I are cuddled up on the couch watching Toy Story 2 for the thirtieth time I thought I might try to catch up on my bloggin'.

Below is a picture of Adam ... so proud!

Negativity does not = bad.

I feel as though lately my posts regarding my children have been fairly negative ... and this really isn't fair to them. Adam and Blair are wonderful. They make us laugh every day and the thought of them makes me smile from ear to ear. It can be very trying as a parent but it really is amazing to watch the grow right in front of you. Adam will be three in two days ... this is absolutely insane to me. I still remember holding him for the first time like it was yesterday. I remember driving to the hospital wondering if this was 'it'.

In the past three years so much has changed ~ and aside from the dent they have made in our pocket books (because, lets face it ~ kids are expensive!) ~ its been awesome!

On a daily basis we get a great quote from Adam. A quote for the memory banks ... this is pretty darn awesome. Here are two of my favorites:

"Mommy, my penis is tired of watching soccer."

Adam: "Daddy, is that your Adam's apple?"
James: "Yes it is."
Adam (pointing to his Adam's apple): "Is this my Daddy's apple?"

As we embark on the 'terrible threes' I am a little nervous (who knows what to expect), but more than that I am excited. I wonder what curve balls he will throw at us?? I'm sure there will be many!

So, for all my negative, whiny posts, there could be thousands of positive ones ... ones documenting moments never to forget. Moments like the one yesterday where I realized that Blair has figured out zippers and tupperware containers (realized due to the pile of cheerios she was surrounded by ~ which had been safely hidden in her closed diaper bag).

Realistically, my posts will probably continue to have a somewhat negative flavour since this is my release and one doesn't tend to need a release from the wonderful moments. And lets face it ~ sometimes its the frustrating, irritating, infuriating moments that provide for the best read! But for the record ~ my family is the absolute best and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Oh come on!

I didn't even have time to get in shape!



Apparently moving on quickly is part of my mulligan's MO ... so fast between Alanis and Scarlett and now onto Sandra. Yikes!

Well, at least I can eat chocolate guilt free now ;)

"Either she goes or I go."

Yes, I said it. I said that about my beautiful 11-month old daughter. Did I mean it? Of course not. But I just couldn't take it anymore ... she had (yet again) woken up screaming after I had just fallen asleep. And falling asleep is not an easy thing for me ~ I have to read, often for over half an hour, to get my brain to shut off. So to be woken up at midnight after 40 minutes of 'going to sleep' I lost it.

I just couldn't take it. At 11 months old she really shouldn't be waking up multiple times per night (every once in a while she's going to wake up, I get that, whether its teething, belly ache, dreams, but those don't happen every night). I hate to compare but at this age Adam was a pro at sleeping through the night. If Adam woke up we knew it was something big. This is not the case for Miss Blair.

I am going back to work in three weeks ~ I will not be able to function on broken sleep (I know I sound like a broken record in my posts lately but I am really worried about this). The worst part is that I have created this situation, I only have myself to blame. Its me who has been going to her every night (James, lucky duck, is able to sleep through it), its me who has been giving her the bloody soother or rocking her back to sleep.

So last night we let her cry it out. Extremely hard but I knew nothing was wrong with her, she just wanted me (this was confirmed the previous night when James went to her and she would have nothing to do with him). She cried for the better part of two hours. I REALLY hope this works as I am obviously starting to lose my marbles.

For now both Blair and I are staying. But the idea of Adam and I staying in a hotel for a few days while James sleeps through the crying has been thrown out there and I am seriously considering it if it means 1) some solid sleeps and 2) a baby girl who sleeps through the night.

Good Days and Bad Days.

Today was a bad day. A very bad mommy day. My almost three year old told me not to yell (for the record I was not yelling at him ... I was yelling at our busted ass can opener) ... brutal.

Some days I wake up and I can handle anything - anything the world and the kids throw at me I can take and deal with it like a champ. Others, not so much. There is a pattern to this - if I wake up tired its probably not going to be a good day. My patience switch is so much easier to trip when I am tired.

Even though I know I am being unreasonable (how much can one really expect from a preschooler?) I still can't snap out of it.

Its not like I am not getting sleep - the trouble is, its still broken sleep (Blair refuses to sleep through the night). Broken sleep = a cranky Jaclyn. This scares me since my return to work is less than a month away. I fear snapping at my boss may not be good for my career. But more importantly it scares me because I don't want Adam to think of me as a lunatic ... a lunatic that screams at can openers.

I hope tomorrow is a good day.

2010 - A Wonderful Year, in pics!

An amazing year ... and thanks to these and the many many more on our hard drive I will always be able to cherish it, in colour :)

Happy New Year!

Happy 2011!! I can't believe another year has passed us by ... I have always felt that years have gone by quickly but I have to say since we have had kids the speed at which years pass is crazy. There truly is no time like kid time. And I suppose in the last three years we've been pretty busy so that contributes to the speed of time ... feels like warp speed!

2010 was a big year for us .. we welcomed Blair into our lives (thankfully rather quickly this time), Adam potty trained himself (its true, we can't take any credit), we painted the house, learned to travel with two kids (aka pack a ridiculous amount of stuff into a Santa Fe), James and I both turned 30 ... etc etc. It was a great year.

And now we start 2011 with events I have to admit I am a little leary about ... I am going back to work and Blair is starting at a home daycare (side note re home daycare: I know there are many great home daycares out there, we had a back experience when looking for a daycare for Adam that has made us nervous).

I love my job. I really do. I tripped into a line of work that I could honestly do for the rest of my life. I work with some really great people who make work fun. But, it means leaving my children with someone else, it means missing moments in their lives. I imagine most working mothers feel like this, I know I'm not the only one ~ its still hard though. And this time when I go back to work it will be a whole new world ... I don't know 75% of the employees (slightly higher than normal turnover in our office), I will have several new bosses ~ which means proving myself all over again, and I am not entirely sure what my role in the organization will be. Ugh.

But I am trying to be positive about these events ... I am actually trying to be more positive in general. Its part of my New Year's resolution. I started out with a zillion mini resolutions but once I started reviewing them I realized they all had a similar theme ... Be Better. My resolution for 2011 is simply to:

Be Better

Be a Better Mom

Be a Better Wife
(I'll admit I'm a bit of a nag ... )

Be Better at staying in shape

Be Better at keeping a tidy home

Be more positive

Along with many others. I initially had things like 'lose 10 pounds' but I am going to see how the general resolution works this year. My priority is to be a better mom though ~ we have great kids who deserve great, patient parents (those who know me well know that patience is not one of my virtues).

We shall see what 2011 brings ~ should be an exciting year!

Happy New Year to you all!!

My apologies to Kate Gosselin.

Strange topic, yes. And it means admitting that I was once a Jon & Kate + 8 fan (to be honest, I was a pretty loyal fan, it was entertaining to me ... I am no longer a fan, stopped watching once it got more about the drama and less about their kids).

But I do have something for which I need to apologize. When watching I would judge her because she ALWAYS wore jogging-type pants. My thoughts were along the lines of 'put some effort into it' or 'get up a bit earlier and put something nice on'. This was obviously pre-kids.

Now that we have two kids (you know, 25% of the kids she has) ~ I completely understand why she spent her life in jogging pants ... its easier! Its easier to throw on a pair of jogging pants in the morning, its easier to chase kids around in jogging pants, its easier to bend over and pick a child up 500 times per day in jogging pants. Its just easier. Since having kids my jogging pant wardrobe has increased significantly! (although I have yet to buy a pair of lululemon pants ... those at least make your butt look good!)

When I do wear jeans I regret it all day ~ no matter how comfy or how stretched out they are its still a little bit harder to bend, run, change directions at a moments' notice (Blair is now climbing stairs), etc.

So my apologies Ms Gosselin (if that is in fact what you are going by now) ~ I shouldn't have judged, I just didn't understand. Now I do. And now I am wondering how I am going to wear dress pants to work for 8+ hours per day once I go back in February, they just aren't comfortable.



P.S. Jogging pants are especially easier after the holidays ... when my old friend The Tire returns.