The devil wears prada, Jaclyn does not.

For those that knew me through my formative teen years you know that my 'style' then was questionable (for those that didn't think flannel, plaid pants paired with a Leeds soccer jersey). But the thing is 1) it was high school 2) I really didn't care. Now however 1) it matters what I wear to work and 2) I care.

Slight problem though - I am fashion/style challenged. I see stuff I like but have no idea who to bring a concept to life. I pretty much need a paint by numbers approach - I need to be told what outfit to buy and if I happen to buy just a shirt or just pants ... oh man, that will just create a headache because when I go to wear them I will have NO IDEA what to pair with them. For example ... I may like this style, you know casual but put together:



But I would likely end up something like this:


Beyond this, I always ALWAYS react negatively to new styles. For example, slouchy-type boots ... a friend had those long before they were in stores here (I'm told they were in style in London and New York at the time) ... and I thought they were terrible. And then they hit stores here. As usual it took me a long time to come around to them, but eventually I decided they were great. This resistance creates two problems 1) I'm never in style 2) they never have my size when I decide I do in fact like them.

So, I need to adjust. I need to look at fashion in a new way. I want to look good, I want to be in style. I've hired a stylist (she is aware that the pay is crap (ie. zero)) and I am expanding my wardrobe bit by bit. This is going to be a long slow, and probably painful, process. But at this point its not an option. Flannel pants be gone! (except in the comfort of my own home of course - oh, maybe on quick trips to the grocery store too - and maybe ...)

Playlist Challenge.

As noted in my previous post I am going to be running alot in the next few months. I cannot run without music. C-A-N-N-O-T. Even when I run with people I have one ear plugged into the iPod.

But, there will be times I run for over two hours ... finding 2+ hours of music to run to is surprisingly difficult. And I fear it will be an expensive challenge as I don't have many songs therefore $1.29US x 2 hours of music could amount to alot.

Music is key though, so I need to invest a reasonable amount of time in mapping out my playlist. I've put a few shout outs on Facebook for ideas ... and I'm putting it out here too ~ any suggestions anyone has are welcome!

I need to be strategic too ... a build up ... more and more motivating as the list goes on. I already know the first song ... no words, just a great, even beat ~ from there on though, je ne sais pas.

Oh man, what was I thinking?!?

21.1kms ... again.

I never learn ... ever.
Last time I ran a half marathon every step I swore to myself I would never do it again. Especially in the last few kilometers when I was sure I was going to die.

But, I'm an idiot and I signed up to do it again. Mainly because I want to meet my goal ... the goal I missed by 0:00:00:11. Yes, 11 one-hundredths of a second. You can just imagine the words that came spouting out of my mouth when I got my official time. Basically, had I picked it up my speed in my last 10 steps I would have made it.

And this time I have given myself less training time and I am in terrible shape. Which leads me to the second reason I am running again - evidently I am the type of person who needs to pay to stay in shape. Since Christmas I have gained eight pounds (ten if I weigh myself at night)!! Eight pounds! I gained 1/3 of Blair. Son of a ...

So off I go. Kinda. I ran once this week and was pretty sure my lungs were bleeding. And then I couldn't move for three days later. So this is going to be painful but it must be done. And this time when I cross that finish line I will hopefully be going a bit faster, just in case.

Blogger-Cat

Me bestie Steph just started her own blog. Steph, being Steph, ran it by me first ... far too considerate. She was sorry for copying. In reality ~ we're all copying the first blogger ... I didn't apologize to him/her or anyone else, but Steph as I said is considerate.

Blogging is awesome. I love it and would recommend to anyone ~ anyone who likes writing, who needs an outlet, who's funny, who's dramatic, who's crafty ~ Anyone! I don't have as much time as I would like to write posts but I have many topics stored up for a 'rainy day' (by rainy day I of course mean a day when both kids nap at the same time or when the laundry fairy comes and does it all for me).

Anyways ... check out her blog.
Steph 2.0

Steph has a dry sense of humour that absolutely cracks me up but is also just real. She tells it like it is, and that is refreshing.



P.S. Several people have mentioned to me that they want to start a blog ... to which I say do it! Its fun and the worst that happens is no one reads it but you're still getting your thoughts/feelings out (in my opinion this is especially good for moms). I have even written posts, insanely emotional posts, and in the end just deleted them ~ because by getting my thoughts out on virtual paper calmed me down and made me realize I may have been acting (slightly) irrational.

While I Was Sleeping.

I love watching my kids sleep. They look so peaceful, so happy. I peek in on them from time to time (Adam mostly as Blair hears me coming a mile away and therefore usually wakes up ... which is bad news for the rest of the night!) just to make sure they are breathing (seriously, I do) and I am always captivated. They are perfect little creatures, so darn cute with their blond hair and pink lips. It takes my breath away (cue music, lol).

At times this is tricky to do since Adam has taken to sleeping on the floor (honest ~ as I write this he is on his floor buried under a pile of pillows and blankets) or Blair is sleeping facing the wall with her butt up in the air. But its worth the search to see their faces.

The other day as I was watching Adam sleep it occurred to me that my parents probably did this ~ they probably stood at my doorway and watched me sleep. And I had no idea. There are so many things that children just don't know ~ that we can't possibly know because we were sleeping or because they happened in behind the scenes.

Being a parent has its, um, shall we say, challenges. But I only need to see my sleeping beauties to remind me just how wonderful it is.

I get it now.

Shortly after we had Adam there was a news story about a woman who had left her infant (I think the child was 10 months old but I can't say for sure) in the car when she went into Tim Horton's. My initial reaction was that this was terrible. How could anybody leave their child in the car?! And then I couldn't believe that the police and CAS found there to be no issue. How was that possible?! She left her baby in the car!!

Um, ya, I get it now. It is a serious pain in the a*s getting the kids out of the car ... car seats, buckles, wiggling ... argh. I get that she was probably exhausted and just needed a coffee to stay awake to be able to take care of her baby.

So far I have only left the kids in the car to go pay for gas but I admit I have considered 'just running in' to the store many times. It would save so much time to be able to run in and run out. I know I won't do it, I won't leave them in the car, but I also know I shouldn't have judged that woman.

30 going on 13.

I was really lucky as a teen. While I faced my own issues and insecurities, acne/blemishes was not one of them.

But now, at 30 years old I have what is called 'adult on-set acne'. WTF?! I recently bought Clean & Clear ... Clean & Clear!... I followed the cue of the approximately 14 year old girl next to me and picked the same one as her.

I am hopeful that these blemishes are stress related and will disappear once our life calms down but I won't hold my breath. I got away with it through my teens, I'm not going to get away with it now.

But, since I was already thinking like a teen that day ~ as a pick me up I bought some hair dye ... in a box! It has been years since I dyed my own hair ... or rather, years that I have been paying ALOT of money to have someone else dye my hair.

So after I cleansed, I tackled the hair ... and although I lost a good shirt in the process (rookie mistake) I am quite happy with the results.

One thing I do have to say ~ while I am experiencing some skin issues and a desire to colour my own hair, I am not returning to my 13 year old body. Boo.

So much I will miss.

My kids have brought me so much. So much joy, so much love, so much happiness. But beyond this, because of them I have made, reconnected and strengthened so many friendships with truly wonderful women.

I can still remember the day (over three years ago!) I saw someone I knew from high school sitting in the OBGYN's waiting room ... turns out we were due around the same time, turns out we both had boys, turns out she is a great friend. And she introduced me to a lovely friend with a little girl close to Adam's age and energy level that is so kind, so honest and also appreciates the chai lattes.

And then there's the old work buddy (high school job = cashier at drug store) who too was has a baby around the same time as I had Adam ... and she was starting up a playgroup. In this playgroup I met some great, genuine and thoughtful people who I now consider great friends.

There's the fellow soccer player who I knew but not really well ... but is now definitely a friend, someone I trust. She is open, caring and sincere and also has an interest in lugging the kids around on our backs while snow shoeing!

And there's the colleague, who has been a friend for a while, but is now one of my closest buds. She knows who she is and I hope she knows how much I will miss rockin' to the zumba beats with her.

While I will miss Blair and Adam the most (goes without saying) ~ I will miss these ladies so much. They are rocks, constantly there for each other and without whom I am not sure I would have survived some days. To know there are people out there who get what you are going through at that exact moment, and beyond that are willing to listen to you ramble on and on about it is invaluable. I know this isn't goodbye, but I also know that time in the evenings and on weekends is so limited and there won't be many chances for Starbucks dates.

So, a big thanks to you all. You're all wonderful.

Felt like my left arm had been cut off.

Its true ... its been attached to me for quite sometime and I am very partial to it. I am also very partial to my beautiful little girl who has also been attached to me for quite sometime. But today, I left her in the care of someone else ~ at daycare. It was so hard and weird leaving her, we have spent so little time apart. She of course was a superstar and didn't even blink when I was leaving ... such a good babe. It was definitely harder on me ~ thankfully I had Adam by my side to keep me smiling.

I know I have gone on and on about this, but it consumes my thoughts these days. I don't question whether me returning to work is the right thing (for me it is) but I really wish there was a way that I could work and have her with me. I know, I know ... what about Adam ... yes, I would love to have him come to work with me but that would be cruel to him as he needs constant action.

Some have pointed out that I've done this before with Adam, but that's not really the case. When I returned to work in 2009 I wasn't leaving him with a stranger, I was leaving him with my mom. My mom took care of Adam for six months (yes, we were very lucky) and then he started at a daycare centre (side note ~ centres are more comforting to James and I ... we had a bad home daycare experience). So this is a new concept for me. One I will come to accept, but not necessarily like.

So, in two days Blair will have another transition day and then on Monday - BAM - our whole world will change. No more egg & cheese sandwiches for James in the morning, no more 2.5 hours with the kids before I take Adam to preschool, no more random cuddles during the day with Blair. But its the right thing ... so probably only a few more posts on this topic and I'll shut up. Because lets face it ~ we will all be just fine ... just a little more tired (and hungry in James' case).