My least favorite part of the day.

I hate brushing Adam's teeth. I hate it. I detest it.

Maybe he is old enough to brush his own teeth but he's not focused enough to take on this responsibility just yet ~ so James and I are left to deal with it. And as previously mentioned, I hate it.

It is a guaranteed battle and after an entire day of battles its the last thing I feel like dealing with ~ but I suppose I'd rather deal with it than have an astronomical dental bill for my three year old.

So every night I chase him around the house, get him to sit, and then say 'open your mouth', 'stop talking', 'sit still' 500 times. Its infuriating! Why he can't just sit there and let me get it over with as painlessly as possible is beyond me.

To the seasoned parents out there ... please give me tips on how to make this multiple times/day task a little easier on us all, pleeeeeeease!

I forgot.

Yet again, I have forgotten. This time what I was going to write about ... all it took was a distracting email and the topic is completely gone from my brain. B.R.U.T.A.L. As I have previously noted, for me motherhood obviously caused some sort of brain damage as I have no memory at all (short term or long term).

Over the past few weeks I have received a few compliments about my blog ... and I have to say, its kinda nice. I honestly don't write it for anyone but myself (its such a release - I recommend it!), but to know that people 'get' what I am writing reminds me that we're all in the same-ish sort of boat. For me parenting is hard, rewarding and wonderful, but very very hard. And getting older is a little scary. And to know others feel the same way is comforting.

I hope when I go back to work (beginning of February ... booooo!!) that I will be able to find the time to post. As I said, its a great release, a great way to get something off my chest or out of my mind. Such as my last post regarding 'me time' - while its still true, re-reading it made me take a step back and question why I don't have much time to myself ... if I were organized I could have the evenings to do what I want ... therefore one of my New Years' resolutions will involve organizing my life!

Speaking of work, I am currently going through the inner battle of 1) dreading going back and leaving Blair with someone else, someone else who will see so many of her firsts 2) looking forward to the exciting challenges work will bring and 3) feeling guilty for looking forward to those challenges. Guilt ~ I hate that useless emotion, but it seems to be something most mothers go through. Is it part of our genetic make-up?

Ok, I think its time to stop, this post is all over the place and I think I need some chips and chocolate (yes, both, don't judge) ~ need to consume as much as possible now since another resolution involves getting back in shape and eating better.

Me Time - a lost concept?

Preface: I'm selfish.

Before we had kids I had tons of 'me time' ... so much so that I didn't think it was anything special, just reality. It was time to sit back, relax, and do absolutely nothing. I often watched mindless television shows, guilt-free. I was also a regular nap taker, especially after work ... I would come home and crash on the couch for a couple hours (and then make dinner whenever I felt like it).

Now, the idea of 'me time' is one of the most enticing things out there. Time not being asked 'why?', not dealing with screaming children, time not cooking, not doing the never-ending laundry, time to sit and do nothing ~ guilt-free. I'm not going to lie and say I don't watch garbage tv, of course I do ... but I always have that nagging to-do list in the back of my head.

On the rare occasion Blair naps, or when both children are happy and playing contently I will steal some me time ... time to do a sudoku puzzle or two ... but it always seems to bite me in the ass. For example, I took time for myself yesterday (I went shopping - some great Boxing Day sales to be had!) ... had I not taken it we probably wouldn't have been racing out the door already 40 minutes late for Christmas dinner. I would have made the potatoes earlier, I would have showered earlier, and we wouldn't have been stressed (keep in mind that stressed parents = disobedient children) trying to get out the door.

Don't get me wrong - I wouldn't trade my life for the world, but sometimes when its been a stressful week, or when I really don't have the energy to go downstairs to get the next basket of laundry to be folded, some guilt-free 'me time' would be pretty darn awesome.

Its funny though, I'm sure that when my kids are older and moved out of the house, I'll find I have too much 'me time' and long for the days of "why mommy? why?", "mommy, I'm hungry", "mommy, mommy, mommy, ...". As James would say: "typical woman, never happy" ;)

A little Grinch in me ...

So, I thought I was done Christmas shopping last week. Alas, I was wrong. So many little gifts I forgot. Off I trekked to the Michaels/Winners/Home Sense combo in town. All was going well (except for going back and forth between stores trying to find the 'right' gifts) until I had to line up at Michael's. In my mind the 'line up here' sign was pretty obvious ... so that's where I went ... apparently it was stupid day at Michael's as people started lining up wherever they felt like it. The result was that myself and the woman who had joined me in line were being overlooked.

I started to get a little irritated but was letting it go until a fifth person joined the other 'line' ... she made the mistake of asking me if I was in line. At this point I less than kindly replied that I was in fact in line. I then moved to the other line and accepted my fate.

But then the lady I was, lets say, slightly bitchy to moved to the back of the line ... and at this point this set her back at least 10 people. I felt like a sh*t. I tried to get her to go back to her spot but she wouldn't. Merry effing Christmas from me. There was no real need for me to be snarky, and really, who cares where the line is??

So I guess I am part Grinch. I didn't realize I was until that moment. Brutal. Next year I should do ALL my shopping online, that way I can avoid becoming the ugly green monster. And as a bonus, the UPS guy is terrified of our dogs so he rings the doorbell and runs to his truck (literally RUNS - its so funny), so I'll get a few laughs.

Merry Christmas everyone ... from the normal, controlled me.

Slide Show.

What's in a picture? A thousand memories/moments/emotions/words all rolled into one. In this day and age though with everything digital we rarely pull out the laptop to go through pictures. I try to develop as much as possible but really there isn't a ton of time these days to put them in albums so I have many Costco photo envelopes in the basement just waiting to be addressed.

James recently had an idea to have a slide show of our favorite pics as our screen saver. So James took the time to go through many of our pictures (he couldn't go through them all ... to give you an idea, in the past 4.5 years I have taken over 12,000 pictures with my camera) and chose the best ones, including those that may look crappy but have a wonderful memory attached to them, for the slide show.

So now, when our laptop goes into screen saver mode we have a constant reminder of all the wonderful things we have done and the smiles of our incredibly cute and funny children staring back at us. And to put this into context, we have an open concept main level and our laptop is in the kitchen ~ so several times a day I catch myself watching the pictures and thinking of the attached memories. Pictures like these:



How could I not smile?!

He is just oh so beautiful!

Ladies, its an exciting day. Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson have split up! This probably isn't very exciting for them and I don't wish divorce on anyone (even too hot for their own good celebrities) but this means I can stop waivering on my mulligan selection.

What's a mulligan you ask? Well, its the concept that if I happen to meet Ryan Reynolds - he's fair game, it would not be considered cheating. But since his marriage to Ms. Johansson I have been questioning my selection ~ I mean, he was married, it didn't seem right to pick him (a waste you might say). I had recently been trying to decide between Bradley Cooper and Ryan, I mean, Mr. Cooper is HOT but something kept holding me back from committing to the choice ~ maybe deep down I knew this announcement was coming?! In my defense though just two days ago I had decided to stick with Ryan, for a simple reason: the new Hugo Boss commercial. O M G.

James has also been waivering in his mulligan selection and I actually don't know who it is at the moment (part of the mulligan rules is that your partner MUST know who your selection is ~ its only fair and logicial). One of James' former mulligans just got a divorce; Eva Longoria, maybe he will go back to her (can't say I blame him). But it is a hard decision, Ryan just happens to make it very easy for me, especially now with his new-found single status!!

LOL. Really, its all just in fun. Would I ever cheat on my husband? Absolutely not, even with Ryan Reynolds (I might ask to touch his abs though ... they are just too perfect not to). For James and I its just a fun, goofy conversation topic.

Just in case you wanted proof of the abs:


I am going to hit the gym though, just in case Ryan pops in to town to visit his former flame ;)

My life - a series of unfinished conversations!

At least that's what it feels like. Today I went to my grandparents' house with the objective of making a few crafts and chatting with my grandma (grandad was outside cursing their tractor). As I was driving home I realized that we must have had 10 ~ 12 unfinished conversations. Not because either of us is ridiculously forgetful, but because we were constantly being interrupted ... crying baby, misbehaving three year old, crying baby, hungry three year old, three year old who decided he needed to run, baby stuck behind chair, etc., etc., etc. And each of these times I started a new conversation, not because I was bored of the previous discussion but because once interrupted that thought is gone from my brain!

This got me to thinking ~ since having kids I am not very skilled at finishing conversations. This is not on purpose but because I am interrupted many, many times a day. This is also true of tasks. I set out to do a lot in a day but rarely do as kids are usually on my tail. I need to start making my to-do lists more realistic so I don't feel like a complete and utter failure at the end of the day.

But I have to admit I have noticed my attention span starting to shorten lately ~ I wonder if this is due to the constant interruptions and therefore my brain is not used to finishing thoughts/conversations/tasks?

So, my apologies that if in the past three years I have had unfinished conversations with you ~ it is not because I didn't find the topic interesting or important, its because I've been interrupted and then lack the skill to return to the previous topic. If this occurred before I had kids ... I have no excuse ...

To play or not to play, that is the question.

I'm a sucker for lottery tickets. I see the signs for Lotto 649 and Lotto Max and if they are over $20 million I'm so buying a ticket (never with encore mind you). And then it starts ... the what ifs ... what will I buy first? Would I quit my job? Hmm, I could go back to school! Oh, I could have a new wardrobe. Even better ... I could go to NYC and buy a new wardrobe. I could buy a new car ... what type? Wouldn't be flashy ... maybe an Escalade, a Range Rover? Definitely black, with leather interior whatever type of car I choose. I would want a new house, but selling this house would be hard ... maybe we could keep both? I'd want the Father of the Bride house, its my dream house. Blair could have a little reading nook, and Adam a games area, James could have a pool table and me, I would have a little area all to myself that would have a very pretty chaise lounge ...

And so on and so on and so on right up until the moment I check my ticket. I often delay checking the ticket because I'm on such a high from the possibilities that I know the crash will suck once I check and get the dreaded "Not a Winning Ticket". And I always do crash. I never get the person behind the counter to check the ticket - I use the self serve ... not because its faster, but because I don't want anyone to see the disappointment on my face. The disappointment of someone who had already picked out her new car, new home and booked her flight to NYC.

But for some reason, even though the crash is inevitable, I still buy tickets. Sucker for punishment or stupidly hopefully? Probably a bit of both ... but oh man, what I could do with $20 million!!

Must be somewhere in between.

I hate to keep coming back to zumba but really, its a great workout and a great source for blog posts.

Recently I have been questioning my level of maturity and where exactly I stand. I am thirty now, I figure I should be quite mature but sometimes my thoughts land on the immature side. For example, in zumba there is a woman who is always at the front of the class, always has crazy hair, wears a bandana, is always out of sync (if we are supposed to be going left she is going right) and often adds her own flare to the moves. I'm not describing her well, but when she rocks out I have two thoughts:

1. Bhah ha ha ha ha!
2. Good for her for having the confidence to just 'do her thing'.

See what I mean? Its like the thoughts of an immature person vs a mature person yet they are both mine. Maybe having both is a good balance ... I'm an adult but I'm staying youthful? Or I'm insane. I like the first option better.

I wonder if my grandparents still laugh internally at immature things?

The Year of 30 List.

James and I are officially thirty years old. While I've been mumbling and grumbling and dreading this birthday James has been embracing it. He is approaching thirty as an opportunity, an opportunity to start fresh and an opportunity to try new things. This attitude is, thankfully, somewhat contagious and I too am trying to embrace this new age group.

Something we have just started is establishing our 'Year of 30 List'. This list, which was James' idea, is like a bucket list but its only for our thirtieth year. The objective is to list thirty things which we want to try together. Some of the things neither of us have done, others one of us has but we still want to do it together (for example, I want to skate the canal end to end - James has already done this but is taking one for the team and doing it again with me).

The list is not yet complete. Its a lot harder to think of things than we ever would have thought. This is likely due to the 'rules' we established for the list. The rules are as follows:

1. Only one 'big' (i.e. expensive) thing.
2. Both of us must want to do it.
3. Cannot cost more than $250 for the both of us (aside from the one big thing).

As you can see, this limits us quite a bit, but they are necessary to ensure we enjoy ourselves and don't go broke in the process. The plan is for us to establish a new list every year with the number of items equalling our age. Yes, we see this may be difficult at age 80, but we figure by then our list will include items such as 'walk a flight of stairs'.

The list, so far, includes:

Cruise (Check! I had never been ... but I have now!)
Sushi (Check! Absolutely disgusting and we will never try it again.)
Shisha Bar (I have never been.)
Go to the top of the CN tower (I have never been - crazy!)
Skate the canal end to end
Start to learn Spanish
Watch the Godfather trilogy (me again, I've never watched any of the movies)
Make and try Hot Wine
Dog sledding
White water rafting (who's in?!)
Ottawa Haunted Walk
Take a flight in a prop plane
Go zip lining
Go to Bluesfest together (please let the 2011 lineup be good)
Start standing water skiing

I am looking forward to experiencing all these new things, especially since James and I will be doing them together. I hope we complete everything on the list and that we keep it going every year - my grandparents are 80 years old and more active than most sixty year olds; I think what keeps them young and full of life is that they are so busy and involved in the community.

As I mentioned though, we are having a tough time completing the list, so any ideas you may have are welcome and appreciated!

If I get more blog savvy I will add a Year of 30 section which will include the entire list, be updated when items are completed, and if there are any I will include pics of the attempts.

Wish us luck!!

So important to talk.

Parenting has proven to be the biggest challenge I have ever faced. Now, at 30 I know there are many more challenges in my path but so far this one takes the cake. The best things in life require work ... such as having kids. If anyone ever says that parenting is easy ... question their logic. But its not supposed to be easy - we're raising human beings, we're responsible for their physical, ethical, and moral development (to name a few) - and by raising I mean starting from scratch! There is no way it is easy.

The number of curve balls thrown my way lately has been insane - Adam is nearing the end of the 'doesn't have the words to communicate' phase and entering the 'defy defy defy' phase. The biggest daily challenge is the preparation to get out of the house. This NEVER EVER goes as planned and often takes twice as long as anticipated. Lately I have been better at keeping my cool but on the days where I didn't get much sleep ... its not good, and when I lose it, he loses it even more so. Vicious cycle. Once we are out of the house, if I lost my cool in the process I feel like a total sh*t. I feel awful. I mean, he's only three years old, but in the heat of the moment I'm also three years old (mentally at least, physically I am at least 30 (more on this in another post)).

I also feel like the worst mom in the world. I feel like I am the only one losing my cool. But then I have a great chat with some amazing mothers and realize I am not alone. Everyone loses their composure at some point, humans in general have their limits to which they can be pushed. It is SO important to talk, no matter what the stage in life. Talking lets us know we're not alone and reminds us that we're all just doing the best we can.

I'm a sinker.

So, a friend convinced me to try an aqua fit class. I didn't want to go, I have mocked aqua fit for as long as I have known it existed, but since she tried Zumba with me I figured I should probably just suck it up. So one Friday morning I joined the old women pretending to work out ... or so I thought.

Oh my ... it is SO hard. And there is no cheating ~ somehow the instructor sees when you're slacking and calls you on it (I know this from first hand experience). You're going left, then right, then trying to touch your toes, then running on the spot, and then, and then, and then, etc.

And on top of this, even though I had a floatation belt on (everyone wears them, I wasn't being lazy) I still sunk. So apart from having no clue what I was doing and being called out for not trying hard enough, I was trying not to drown. I watch the clock for 45 minutes straight (when I'm not submerged that is).

My friend stated matter of factly that I must be a sinker. She says its because muscle weighs more than fat. LOL, I can assure you that is not my problem. I'm also a traveller though and this doesn't make me popular with the die hards ~ old ladies (sorry, seniors) are very serious about their aqua fit.

I should have known going in that this wouldn't be easy ~ she used to teach it and is dropping baby weight like its nothing (she also leaves the pool with dry hair ... me, not so much). Next time, I won't judge a book by its cover!

New and Improved Sens Fan.

I know I haven't blogged much lately ... the life of a thirty year old is busy, lol. But when I have had ideas for blogs I have been joting them down ... and when I get time I write the full post ... and when I get time for one, I'll probably write two or three.

Ok, enough of that, onto the actual post:

I am not a Leafs fan nor will I ever be, but I think there is something alot of Sens fans can learn from Leafs fans. They unconditionally love their team (except Phaneuf, poor guy), in bad times they are still fans, and they are always able to see the good in the bad (a typical comment from a friend who is a Leafs fan: 'They may have lost but Kessel is starting to really pick up his game').

I think its time Ottawa supports its team win or lose, good or bad. I know there are fans out there who are diehards never giving up, but there are ALOT of us (I'm including myself in this) out there who can be very critical and negative. It is during the bad times, the times of rough starts that the team needs to know we believe in them. We've lost some good players who said they couldn't handle the fickle Ottawa hockey market ... lets try not to let that happen again.

So, I'll say it now: I am a Senators fan. I will always be a Senators fan. When times get tough I'm going to dig deep and find comments like 'Man, Fisher played well' or 'Zack Smith is showing alot of promise'. They say it takes a village to raise a child ... maybe it will take this City showing hope and belief to bring the Sens back to the Cup finals?!



P.S. I feel like I should add some inspirational music to this post ... lol. Don't worry, there won't be many posts like this!

Daily Deliveries.

I am constantly amazed at the little man Adam is becoming. While we still have our battles (today, for example, we battled as he took his boots off three times before we actually made it out the door) the majority of the time he is a kind, caring wee guy.

When he wakes up in the morning his first order of business is, of course, waking James and I up. He comes in all bright eyed and bushy tailed as James and I groan and mumble (neither of us is a morning person but somehow we produced two children who LOVE the morning). Lately, each morning, he has been bringing us each a stuffed animal. I usually get 'Teddy'. Teddy runs a close second to his sleep mate Pankcake (think blue and purple elephant who has seen better days). Rather than waking up with a groan and grumble, this makes me smile ~ I smile because 1) my little man is there with a giant smile on his face 2) I have a soft stuffed animal to rest my head on and 3) Adam has become this great sharer (is that a word?!).

A smile is a much better way to start the day.

I have no idea why he started this, but I do know that it comes from the bottom of his giant heart. Everyday I think its not possible to love him more ... but everyday I do!

What's in a name?

James and I did not take the responsibility of naming our children lightly. Neither had names when they were born ... we took our time as we wanted to pick the right name. I should say that James suggested Adam right away ~ I just took my sweet ass time coming around to it. But, in my opinion, he is an 'Adam' through and through. And we've never received anything but compliments on that name selection.

This cannot be said for our daughter's name. We took several hours picking her name. Criteria: a name which could not be shortened (unless we liked all nickname possibilities .. ie. I love the name Elizabeth ... do not however like the name Betsy), a name that was not common but not unusual at the same time, and of course we both had to love it. As James was reading the baby name book he stopped on 'Blair' and right away we both loved it. So Blair it was ... and we were so happy with our name choice. Little did we know that almost anyone and everyone would have an opinion about her name. Most common: 'That's a boy's name' ... in our defence it was in the girl name section of the book and while in no way is she named after this ... Gossip Girl people! We also get: 'That's unusual' ... these people obviously did not watch Facts of Life. There have been many others ... all of which creating more and more doubt about her name. Did we pick the right one? Will she hate us for it? And I will admit that I have tried to think another name for her but everytime I come back to Blair. She is a Blair.

Thankfully lately I have received some positive comments including: 'I love that name!'. Finally.

So I'm getting to my point ... why does everyone and anyone feel they have the right to comment on names of children? Obviously there are people out there who don't like our childrens' names, I get that ~ but I really don't need to hear if you don't like it.

What's in a name is alot of heartfelt thought by parents, parents who are picking a name that their children have to carry with them. What's in a name is time and love and so much more.

I may not like all the names I hear ~ but I will never say anything negative regarding a name to a parent, because they invested love and time and don't deserve that ... like all our mothers said: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

You're (not my) best friend.

Adam has started telling people they are his best friend. Most often James is his best friend but sometimes I get the call of duty and I can't believe how something so innocent can put such a big smile on my face.

But on the flip side, he sometimes throws down 'you're not my best friend'. And even though I know he has no clue what he is saying it does sting a little bit.

This has got me to thinking about when I was a teenager and some of the things I said and did ~ mainly to my mom. Most vivid in my mind is one evening my mom was driving my cousin and I to a party (you know, the parties in the basement where we all sat in groups and giggled). At the time my mom was working her butt off for very little money so we didn't have a greatest car (think clunky old red ford station wagon) and it needed a new fan belt (it made a horrible screeching noise ~ yes, that's a technical description, you can ask any mechanic). As we were pulling up I asked my mom to drop us off a few houses down so that no one saw us get out of the car. So awful. She was working so hard to give my brother and I everything we needed and I was embarrassed by a bloody car.

I'm sure I threw down the 'I hate you' at least a few times, and I went out without telling her (I'm sure making her sick to her stomach), and probably countless other things that broke her heart without really thinking about it.

Do I wish I was a more considerate teen? Yes. Do I wish I could take some things back? Of course. Am I prepared for the moments similar to these that I will experience with Adam and Blair? Absolutely not.

My socks choke my ankles.

Its already been established that I need to work out more but this is a new low. Whenever I wear socks I feel like they are strangling my ankles. I really don't think this is related to the, ahem, few pounds that I have accumulated lately ... I think its because this summer I only wore flip flops (yet another upside of maternity leave) and my lower extremities are rejecting being covered.

It honestly feels like my ankles are being choked out. I only wear socks when I leave the house ~ when I get home the first thing I do is take them off. I might have to learn how to knit to make myself some loose socks!!

Anyone else feel like this?

Shameful.

I was so desperate for sugar I just ate a spoonful of brown sugar.

Send help.

Decisions.

Yet again James and I were faced with a daycare related decision. We are totally happy with the care Adam is receiving in his current location but were recently offered a spot at a centre in our school district. Seems like an easy decision right? Especially since he'll have to move at some point before he starts school. But it really wasn't an easy decision. Adam has friends at his daycare, he knows the building, he knows the teachers ... to uproot him seems almost mean. In the end we decided to switch him as we think it will be easier for him now rather than changing daycares and schools all at once.

But this got me thinking of all the decisions we're going to face when it comes to our kids. Its scary. I mean, I know we do what we think is best as there are no crystal balls, but it still scares me. Until we made the decision to switch him I had an ache in the pit of my stomach and I have a feeling that ache will be there more than not.

I don't want my children to suffer for the decisions I've made, I don't want them to resent me, I want them to be happy ... I hope they understand that later on, especially when it comes to the bad decisions (because lets face it, there will be bad decisions or at least decisions we could have made differently).

I still remember my dad saying no when I got invited to play soccer with the EODSA ... not the big leagues or anything but it was pretty cool to be asked. Looking back I know he just wanted me to focus on school but I certainly didn't agree at the time. Will our kids understand our decisions? Probably not all of them ... and that sucks.

I know we can only do our best and hope that it all works out in the end, I just hate that feeling in the pit of my stomach ...

Superhuman Eating Powers!

Its true, I possess superhuman eating powers. Some may wonder if its true but I can assure you, my husband does not (as he is currently watching me eat pumpkin cheesecake post turkey dinner which included pumpkin pie).

We just got back from our third of four Thanksgiving feasts. These four dinners have been spread out over five days but I probably ate enough during the first meal to sustain me for five days! There is something about a turkey dinner with all the fixin's that I just can't resist, especially mashed potatoes and gravy ... so delicious. When I was a kid the sight of turnip and brussel sprouts would make me gag, but now they are just one of the many things I love around the table at this time of year. The only thing I don't really enjoy at Thanksgiving is cranberry sauce ... I know most people like it but I could honestly do without, to me its a spot on the plate that could hold more potatoes or carrots or turkey or squash or ...

Tomorrow we are going to James' parents' for Thanksgiving dinner and I will surely once again consume more than my fair share ~ I justify this by thinking that since I have celiac and can't have the buns I can totally have a double portion of mashed potatoes! Makes sense right?!

I hope you are all having a wonderful Thanksgiving ~ while I am consuming these giants meals I am thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for which really is so much it at times can be overwhelming. I am such a lucky girl. Pretty soon I might be a round ball, but I will be a lucky round ball.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Zumba

We bought a membership to the City of Ottawa. We never use it.

This week though I have been twice and fully intend to use it much more. Yesterday I had a date with my unfriend the treadmill so today I thought I would try something new. This something was Zumba. The description in the brochure made it seem like dance-type aerobics. Sounded like fun. Imagine my disappointment when I arrived and the majority of the class is 50+ ... including several who were at least 60. I was thinking to myself that I'd have to hit the treadmill again after the class to break a sweat because there's no way these old folks can bring it. HA! Ya right.

The teacher begins the class with a little intro ('how y'all been, have some new songs, hope you're ready for a good work out') ... and then the music starts and out come these wild dancing-aerobic machines! Each and every one of them knew all the steps (I'll get into the steps in a bit) and all of the songs which were mainly current chart toppers. I couldn't believe it - on a few levels - 1) they knew all the words to each and every song 2) they moved their hips like, well, real dancers 3) I definitely broke a sweat and 4) they were hootin' and hollerin'! It was awesome ... aside from the fact that I was the only newbie and looked like I had two left feet.

And man, the moves these woman were doing ... a lot of hip action, some cowboy ridin' (I am serious), butt shakin' ... I felt like I was in a club. Needless to say I had a great time and will go back again ~ I just hope I can keep up a bit better next time! And I hope when I get older I can move like these ladies!!

We are SCREWED!

So last night we took a nice family walk, and Adam decided to take his 'motorcycle' ~ we of course insisted that he wear his helmet. During the walk two young girls (I'd say 10 or 11 years old) passed us, no big deal right? Well, at the end of the walk they were huddled on the path drawing something (my theory that it was for a school project ~ I remember being sent out to draw stuff all the time, which for the record I hated) ~ at this point Adam decided that he should take off his helmet because he wanted to put up his hood. Oh my ....!!!! He was totally trying to look cool for these girls ... at least eight years his senior!!

The worst part was when we said he had to wear his helmet if he was going to ride his motorcycle ~ instead of putting on his helmet he got of his bike, picked it up and carried it!

I'll say it again ~ we are SCREWED!!

Drawing a blank .. no catchy title today!

Last night nine girls got together to welcome a new friend to Canada. The guests mainly went to the same high school together sauf two who are honorary members of our high school. Even though we all went to school together, we rarely see each other and are all at different points in our lives with different priorities. This could have spelled a recipe for disaster ~ instead, it was an evening of great conversation (most of the time there were several conversations underway), lots of laughs, and people genuinely caring about how others are doing and what is keeping them busy these days.

This got me to thinking about how lucky we are ~ who would have thought the friendships we established in high school (in some cases elementary school!) would have developed into something so awesome that even though we don't see each other much ~ when we do get together its like nothing changed.

Not once was there a lull in the conversation, not once was there an awkward silence ~ we even forgot about the cake! I know ~ how could I forget about cake?! Just goes to show how great a night it was.

There is only one downside to the whole evening ~ since I hosted I am left with a ton of food I really shouldn't be eating including chips, chocolate, apple crisp, and veggies and dip ... so needless to say ~ the diet starts tomorrow ;)

A new section!

Yup ~ I am getting crafty and adding sections!

As I stated in the section (at the bottom of the webpage) ~ I am making myself accountable ... to my blog (imagine trying to explaing that one to your grandparents). Everyday I am going to write in what I did for exercise ~ even if it is nothing. I promise that if it becomes another section in which I just rant about how evil physical activity it will be deleted.

Noooo, not my favorite ...

... underwear. Yup, that's right, underwear.
Admit it ~ we all have our favorite pairs ~ male or female we all have that uber comfy yet not grandma/grandpa style pair that we love.

Well, since Hydro Ottawa is a beast (yes, I would prefer to use another word there), I am no longer doing half loads of laundry. The result is our clothes get combined with the kiddies. Now, kids clothes and accessories are COVERED in velcro. Velcro is nasty. Even when the opposing parts of the velcro are together stuff always manages to stick to it ... and this time the victim was my absolute favorite pair of underwear. They just aren't the same anymore, all contorted and distressed. This is very sad for me as I don't get out shopping much and to find a new pair of 'favorites' could take years. Why?! Why them?! Any other pair and I could have cared less.

I will say this much though ~ the money I spend searching for a replacement will come from the kids' education savings! ;)

I'm an auditor - not a negotiator!

Last night before bed we started our normal routine:

Me: "Adam, please clean up your toys."
Adam: (ignore mommy and make more of a mess)
Me: "Adam, please clean up your toys."
Adam: (put one toy in bin, continue playing)
Me: "Adam, please clean up your toys."
Adam: (two more toys make it to the bin)
Me: "Adam, clean up your toys."
Adam: (give mommy blank stare)
Me: "Adam, clean up your toys."
Adam: "No."
Me: "Clean up your toys or I am throwing one of them out!"
Adam: "No! Not my toys." (but no attempt to clean up)
Me: Throw out toy. (note: this is a great way to get rid of the broken toys they haven't been willing to part with)

And on and on it went. By the end I was close to losing my mind. I know I am dealing with a child but really ... is it necessary every single night? Each time I am so close to just doing it myself but I know that will result in a child who never cleans up.

I have tried every tactic - taking away toys, time out, no hot milk before bed, etc. etc. and he just doesn't care. I suppose I wouldn't want to clean up either (I have a house that needs tidying in a bad way but instead I am blogging) but its my job to teach him tidy up after himself ... so that battle will continue tonight ... so looking forward to that! ;)

Dance Like No One Is Watching.

At least I do. Even as I type I am groovin'. I still remember my mom blasting the music (Taylor Dayne and Rick Astley to be exact) when I was a kid and she'd dance around making the mundane (such as sweeping) a little more interesting. And it appears as though I received those genes because lately I absolutely love dancing around the house ~ as an added bonus my kids love it when I dance (well, really they find it hilarious) and I'm burning extra calories! Adam has even started 'bouncing'! Unfortunately for James I've come to love it so much that I even do it when he's in the house.

There's nothing like an upbeat song and some funky dance moves to brighten up a day. I really recommend it ~ its so much fun and freeing (remember the Friends episode when Pheobe ran like a crazy person??).

I'll even admit to dancing to Baby by Justin Beiber ~ shameful, I know, but if you ignore the ridiculously high voice the beat is actually pretty good.

Seriously though - don't knock it til you try it!!

I'm afraid of ...

Skinny jeans.

Its true, they terrify me. I don't really have a style but now that I am done having kids I would like to find 'my' style as well be 'in' style. It seems that skinny jeans are sticking around, which means for me to be in style I should probably invest in some but I traditionally have avoided fashion items which include the word skinny.

My thinking is that they would look great with a pair of boots but I can't rely on the salespeople as they will tell me anything looks nice to get a sale which means I might make a fashion misstep ~ because lets be honest, skinny jeans are not for all.

So ... Who wants to go shopping? Brutal honesty a must.

A clap, a sit, and a 'ma ma' too.

Even though its my second and I've been through all this before I am once again in shock at how fast this is all going. In the last month and a bit Blair has started sitting, has two teeth, has said mama (James was there, he can vouch that it was actually directed to me), and now claps. All of the sudden I am over half way through my maternity leave (closer to 8 months actually) and its like I blinked and my teenie tiny baby became a little girl. And worse than that Adam has become a little man and hears EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING ... and worse than that he hears it and repeats it in the right context (including my classic line: "you're driving me nuts"!).

This isn't much of a post ... just to say I cannot believe how fast time flies, I wish I could capture every moment with my camera (but of course that's not possible since the result would be a broken Nikon ... gotta love living with a toddler).

Oxygen.

My mom, bless her, shares her magazines with me. This is fun and exciting when its People or Hello (who doesn't love seeing which stars have cellulite?), I even enjoy Chatelaine for the recipes ~ but lately she has been really focused on health and fitness and her new favorite mag is Oxygen.

Given that I am obviously still *considering* working out, and not actually working out I perused an issue. First, by the time I got through the protein powder ads I was pretty tired, but second ... seriously?! The first advice I read was that I needed to give up sugar (WTF?!), carbs, etc., etc., etc. Next was recommended exercises based on calories burned per hour ~ I was happy to read that mountain biking was the highest calorie burner but disappointed when I saw that it was based on a 5'8" 130lb woman!!

Then there were some recipes ... that I have NO CHANCE of ever making as they all have 10+ ingredients of things of which I have never heard. Some interesting exercises are included ~ but apparently I'm a visual person because I don't understand many of the explanations.

So I am going to stick to People, Us Weekly, etc. for now because honestly, Oxygen kinda scares me.

A new season is upon us!

James and I survived without television for a year. And then Blair was born and the Olympics were on ... and I begged for it back (just for a while of course, at least that was my line). We cut cable because 1) I was watching way too much tv and 2) we're cheap. But I just couldn't hack it. And now a new season has arrived and I have to say I am pretty excited. Much like movies, I use tv to 'check out', to not think about the every day. I try not to watch too much but the freakin' reality shows always suck me in ... like Dancing with the Stars. LOVE IT. Here are the shows I am hoping to tune into this year ... hopefully I don't become a couch potato but as you'll see from the list below that's looking like a huge possibility!

~ Parenthood ... stars Lauen Graham ... those who know me well will know that I had severe withdrawal when Gilmore Girls ended so its nice to see Lorelei back on the small screen. This show is awesome. I don't think many people know about it but its real, its funny, and it makes me look forward to the future with my children even more.

~ Gossip Girl ... need I say more?! But the fact that its an 'online exclusive' pisses me off (excuse my language). Chances are I won't watch it.

~ Grey's Anatomy ... I didn't really watch this show much last year but the season finale has me looking forward to this season. And really, as long as McSteamy is in it I'm happy.

~ Dancing with the Stars ... if they can do it we could right (if we wanted, but we have other things to do)?

~ Castle ... started watching last year cause its on right after DWTS and got hooked. There's something about their chemistry that keeps me coming back. Not sure how she wears those heels in foot chases but hey, its just tv!

~ Private Practice ... interested to see where it goes this season, but its not one I'll miss if something else comes up.

That's it for now but there are some new shows that have me intrigued ... Hawaii Five-O (yes, cheesy, but could have potential) and The Defenders with Jim Belushi and Jerry O'Connell looks hilarious. Not sure how I will fit them in though ...

Would love to hear what you're tunning into this season ... what am I missing?!

I'm still in here ~ promise.

When I first started thinking about starting a blog I was at a very low point. I felt like I needed to write and express myself to help me come out of whatever it was I was feeling. And then when I actually started it I kind of chickened out ... I wrote one post about how I was feeling (Conversation with a Friend) but didn't really dive into it. I'm not really sure why, maybe I thought no one would want to read stuff like that, or I wasn't sure about putting myself out there like that but I've decided not to be a chicken.

About a week after having Blair I got sick and hung out in bed for five days. I managed to take care of Blair (feeding, changing and snuggling) but beyond that I did nothing. I lost weight quickly, I only ran through the motions with James and Adam, I didn't cook, clean (ok, I admit, I never clean), or anything really. I watched a lot of tv (Olympics specifically) and held Blair, c'est tout.

And while it was only extreme like that for less than a week, I didn't really 'snap' out of it. I would have crazy highs which were almost always followed by crazy lows (these lows included being sad, being angry, and just being flat). Its like I had lost a bit of myself and was having trouble finding me again.

I lost it several times when I felt like I was just a housewife. Felt like all I did was change diapers, clean up puke, wash dishes, do laundry, etc. In reality it wasn't like that but its what I felt. I love my job, most days I am good at my job, it gives me satisfaction. I was feeling as though I wasn't good at being a housewife, which didn't help. I felt disorganized (somewhat like this post!), unprepared, and unable to keep up. Basically I felt like a failure at the most important job I'll ever have, which just made me sink even lower.

The smallest things sent me over the edge, I'd snap. In an instant I would go from dancing around the house to yelling. And it breaks my heart to admit that Adam usually got the brunt of this, I hope I can somehow make it up to him someday.

I felt so lost. Like I was constantly battling myself ~ fighting to stay ok. It got to the point that I didn't go out (going out with friends and their adorable babies helps keep me sane), once again I was doing nothing around the house, and was crying a lot. Thankfully we took a week and headed up to James' parents' cottage. It helped so much to be outside, to not feel like the walls were closing in on me, and to not have anything hanging over me (like laundry for example ~ I can't explain how much I hate laundry). All I had to do was take care of and have fun with my babies. And fun I had ~ so much fun. My son is an absolute blast.

After this I slowly started getting 'better'. Coming out of the fog. Started filling the shell back up. Keeping busy has helped, talking to other moms has helped immensely, and mostly ... talking to my husband, explaining how I felt (however rational or irrational). I am still working on getting 'me' back, I still have lows and I still cry sometimes but its better.

I'm not sure whether I had a mild case of post partum or really bad baby blues, but what I am sure of is how lucky I am to have so many understanding patient people in my life.

A soon-to-be mom recently asked me if I had any advice ~ my only advice is not to isolate yourself and to talk, talk, talk even if you think no one will understand. Having children is amazing and wonderful but its also very hard (worth it, but hard) and having a baby creates a huge emotional, life-changing shift for which we cannot prepare.

I haven't articulated this as well as I would have hoped but maybe it will give a mom some comfort that she isn't alone and then it will be worth it.

And to my wonderful husband ... the woman you married is still in here, promise.

Oh how things change.

Before I had kids my choice of things to do were soccer, watch useless television, shopping ... and more things along those lines, definitely not playgroups and scrapbooking! Before kids I actually (and wrongfully) mocked playgroups and once went to a scrapbook party and complained the whole time.

But ever since having Adam I have to say I now get it ... playgroups are mommies saviour, its not some elite club that moms intentionally exclude others from, its a place where moms can get together with people who understand why you didn't get to have a shower today. And both my kids will have scrapbooks ... because its alot of fun to document some of the special moments in their lives with some stickers and colour. And its an excuse to get together with friends, sip some wine (or in my case, bacardi breezer) and talk, talk, talk.

I still play soccer and watch terrible tv that's bad for my brain (I admit shopping is mainly for the kids but I still get satisfaction from it) but I now enjoy things I never ever thought I would. But it kind of scares me for what's next ... quilting?!

A sad realization.

The other day I was driving Adam to daycare and on the way we passed by a high school ... many kids were outside (I suppose waiting until the very last minute to go in ~ that's what I did) ... and I started thinking to myself that none of them looked old enough to be in high school. They looked sooooo young. I felt a mild relief when I saw someone who in my opinion looked old enough ~ and then a huge sinking feeling once I realized she was a teacher (given away by the briefcase rather than backpack/shoulder bag).

It was then I realized that perhaps I don't have an accurate view of myself and what I look like. I took a moment and looked in the rearview mirror and really looked ~ yup, I have wrinkles ... didn't have those in high school ~ my hair isn't quite as vibrant (or, um, natural) anymore ~ BUT I did have a glimmer of hope ... a pimple! For the first time in my life I was excited to have a pimple.

But maybe the most important thing is how we view ourselves ~ so I am going to forget what I saw in the mirror and continue to pretend I look younger than I do.

O. M. G.

Went for a run last night. Loaded the kids up in the running stroller and off I went. Kinda.

I haven't run since running the 10k in the Ottawa Race Weekend. And it showed. 3.5km ... 19:53 minutes. I'm sorry ... what?! (I ran the 10k in 55 minutes) And I'm not going to lie, when Adam asked me to stop or said something I didn't understand I did take a pause.

I was cursing the entire run, wishing I was at home, eating. I have got to find a form of exercise that I like that doesn't cost a fortune. Maybe a bunch of us should start a free bootcamp. We could rotate who is responsible for developing the program. Who's in?! Ya, I know, I'm reaching ... but it could work ...

In the mean time I guess its still me and my two feet pounding the pavement. And I need to update my iPod playlist. I listened to the same songs over and over while training for the 10k and now they just don't motivate me ... what does is my two year old saying 'faster mommy faster' ... punk ;)

We have a tradition!

On the second weekend in September 2008 ... our clan (then three) embarked on our first camping trip to a campsite 10 minutes away from home (first time camping with an infant ... we wanted an escape if needed). Adam was wonderful (at least that is how I remember it) and we had a great time.

Then on the second weekend in September 2009 ... our clan (then three ... and a half!) embarked on our second camping trip to Algonquin Park. Adam once again was wonderful and we had a great time.

And this year we made it a tradition ... we just got back from our third annual camping trip on the second weekend in September. All four of us went camping at Silver Lake. Amazingly Blair and Adam slept (relatively) well both nights and the rain held out until we started packing up this morning. We lucked out with our campsite ... 100 meters away from the playground and we could see the lake (that we did not swim in ... brrrr). Adam is a born camper, he stayed outside while it rained, loved his first smore and didn't once complain about the sleeping conditions. Now, I should be honest and say that we have a tent trailer but before you start thinking of something glamourous ... it is the definition of trailer trash! Its a 1972 Lionel trailer ... and it looks its age. Think brown and orange + a musty smell. But, it gets the job done, keeps us (mostly) warm and fits the playpen. We love it ~ even if we had to drive in to town to buy duct tape for some fast repairs.

Now ~ where to go next year ...

One to read.

A friend sent me the link to this blog ... I have spent the last two hours reading every single post.

Its an emotional, honest, inspiring, sad, moving blog of a man (a husband, a dad) battling something evil. Both my friend and I were in tears after reading the August 2010 post "Days that matter".

http://howthelightgetsin.net/

Starbucks. Oh how I love you.

Grande, non-fat, no water chai.
100% awesome.

When I initially started going to Starbucks I would get a grande vanilla cream. Basically milk with a shot of vanilla. Yes, I paid for this. But then I copied a friend's drink one time and never looked back. There is something so wonderful about a Tazo Chai Latte ... made at Starbucks (I have tried to make them at home but its just not the same). I have changed up the latte a bit, here's how its gone over this two year love-affair:

~ Grande Tazo Chai
~ Grande Tazo Chai with non-fat milk (should have never looked at the calories on the website!)
~ Grande Tazo Chai, 1/4 water, non-fat milk
~ Grande Tazo Chai, non-fat, no water chai

Yup, I wrote Grande every single time ... I love saying 'Grrrrande'.

Starbucks really is great. I love when I go and ask for this drink they don't look at me like I have two heads. They are happy to make it for me and if by chance it doesn't taste quite right ~ they make me a new one ... at no charge!!

Since I am on maternity leave I do go a tad more than I should ... but I justify it by saying that Blair has a great time when she's there. Weak excuse, yes, but she actually does have a great time. Our children are people watchers, therefore Starbucks is the perfect place since people are always coming and going.

The sad party of this story is that Adam can order for James and I now. If we ask him what mommy and daddy are having he says 'chai and mocha'. He hasn't quite gotten the sizes yet (Grande and Venti) but I'm sure that's coming.

Part of me thinks that a component of this addiction is the cups. There's something about the way they fit in your hand. Sometimes they try to stiff me of a sleeve and its just not the same. It has to be the whole shebang for it to be completely wonderful.

Ok, I'm rambling. I hope this post accurately portrays how I feel about Starbucks, specifically the magical drink I call mine :)



P.S. Would love to hear about your drink!

Hmph.

I worked out yesterday. 30 minutes on the blasted elliptical. I see no obvious results. Ha ha ha.

Seriously though, I am so into instant gratification. I like seeing results right away. Must be why I have such a hard time sticking with an exercise regime ~ it takes so long to see changes.

The entire time I was on the elliptical I was thinking 'I hate this, I hate this, why am I doing this?'. I am much better with the organized sports or running with someone (even powerwalking ... I'm in Kels!). The problem with organized sports is they are getting so darn expensive. I might have to start some pick up soccer games or something along those lines. Anyone game?

The question now is, what to do tonight? I'm thinking a Jillian Michaels workout ... I won't be able to move tomorrow. I guess I could consider that a result!